I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
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