My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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