Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
