you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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