Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
