I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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