Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
