We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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