Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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