dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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