operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Randomize
