I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
