Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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