White coat. Heels.
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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