You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
Randomize
