I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Randomize
