The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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