i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
