no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
All the doctor said was why
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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