D3 body, D1 cock
you would pick up someone in the library
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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