I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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