you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
