The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
