dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
