And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
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