I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
