have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
