I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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