Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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