at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Randomize
