He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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