he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
