I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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