I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
