remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
i believe in u and ur pee
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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