You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
pop tarts are not kleenex
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
