I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
