lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
