I can tuck mytits in my pants
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
