I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
