he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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