Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Randomize
