I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
He did a backflip because drugs
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
