There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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