That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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