I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize