I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
