I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
you guys were way drunker than both of me
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
