I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
