I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
