"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
