So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
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