Plan B is the new Plan A
I puked a lego.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
