were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
