I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
