I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
