I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
