i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Randomize
