So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
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