a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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