Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
