also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
