id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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