Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize