You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Randomize
