I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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