so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
