Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
