she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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