Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
And my parents said I crawled through the house
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
