i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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