It's Friday. Sex?
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
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