smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
