I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize